I wish my penis had an off switch
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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