jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
