I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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