So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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