Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
