do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
