Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
