Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
