she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
