he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
