cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
