Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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