Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
