He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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