I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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