I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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