fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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