You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
