dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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