even my farts smell like vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
