and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
