i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
