As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
