The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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