Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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