I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't deserve a penis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
