shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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