I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
