A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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