Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
