he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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