arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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