about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
