Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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