Don't make out with my wife yet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
