i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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