Already got asked if we're dating
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
