oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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