I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
