eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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