respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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