I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
