Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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