The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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