Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize