My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
