You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
