what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
