I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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