Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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