Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
