This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
