I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
