I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
