Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
