I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
