Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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