Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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