if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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