How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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