i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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