you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
