This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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