This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
