I wanna bring you to show and tell
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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