He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
