A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
