Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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