I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
