Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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