just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
