this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
