we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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