im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
