just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
