Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
