Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
