Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
