All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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