A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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