I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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